DAY 176...Meltdown

Tuesday 19th April

An early morning paddle, launching from Mussel Point.  It was cold and just before 8am when we arrived at the beach, unloaded and got sorted.  We dragged T2 along the sand path to the beach, and there it was the swell, the incoming tide, me T2 and Nat.  I looked and looked at the sets of waves, the timings and the dumping white foam.  We attempted to launch numerous times, we would get a moment of calm, get ready and in the water to launch and MN would slam dunk us with the next 10 minutes of crashing wave sets again.  I was washed sideways, off my feet and basically tormented and teased for the next two hours.  Yes I did try and yes I did get slammed and as yes, as I always say, MN is great at keeping me honest and real.

I was rather distressed and tired at this horror morning of mine.

I felt totally useless by the time I threw my paddle on the sand and gave up for the morning, and as I turned MN sighed and calmed for a split second!  Just enough to say take that, I am in control, not you!

I walked away from Nat today, I sat on the beach in the cold morning air and I stared at the ocean.  I hated the fact it had beaten me and I felt weak, feeble and very useless.  I was angry and bloody frustrated.  That does not even begin to be a good description of my mind and my thoughts, a couple of tears dared to stream down my face just to really irk me.

In the end I gave up, I towed T2 back to Cuzzie and we loaded her up.  I used a couple of newly created cursing words and then we drove. We talked we dissected the morning, we made it in the end be justifiable and compared it to just not having all the correct baking ingredients for a pav (a long story).  We had tried, we would return later today and look again at a low tide.  If I have to I will launch back at Jacksons Bay and paddle all day and night to get along this section.

Back at the campsite, I got my camping gear clean, flysheets aired, empty containers cleaned and all of my overnight camping gear stored away again.  I had an amazing chat with Eileen, (the backpacker from last night) she is keen to send in a video to a blog writer of my NZ journey.  It gives me a chance to spread my story, my journey and my reasons to an overseas section of people, brilliant.

The sun was shining  I did go back to the beach to torment myself.  It looked a little better so let's just see.  I can't and won't promise what tomorrow will bring, no one can, but I will try again.  I think that is what keeps me going, small steps and I just am not going to give up.

Dinner cooked, massive steaks, with lots of all our favourite extras.  Gear ready, warm sweet tea with dark chocolate .and at the moment I am so far away from the ocean I can not hear it. That is brilliant, she can not torment me tonight.

My smiles today:
My damn meltdown on the beach.  It happens to us all, it realigns me, grounds me.
Chatting with Eileen
Nat & her camera (she has some great shots of my meltdown).
My steak from Neat Meat, yum.

My thoughts today:
Don't cry because it is over, smile because it has happened.

Night from Red and Nat, Cuzzie and my kayaks.


Viewing the meltdown from a safe distance.  

Viewing the meltdown from a safe distance.