Saturday 4th June.
Today was such a beautiful morning, the weather and the day outside was stunning. But let's just take a step back a few hours so I can share now that my mind is clear and not so foggy and tired.
When I landed last night it was to be a camping night and then a paddle day today. Plans and life seem to go in different directions! I damaged T2 yesterday on my landing and she was not going anywhere fast after my landing. I can not explain it really but the ocean gave my kayak a thumping and she was not sea worthy. I was and am gutted, I have a spare, but it was not as simple as normal! We where 11 km off road on the Heaphy track, it was just about sunset so in a shocked and very grumpy state I made the decision to carry everything out to Cuzzie, except T2.
It was like bloody army training boot camp. We both had all of my dry bags hanging like swag bags off our back packs, the tent and everything else you carry on you kayak for a cold overnight trip. I had my huge oversized bag as well to try and carry on my shoulder, we reckon there was in excess of 30 kilos at least. We set off on the track before sunset but nightfall was on our heels and soon we needed our head torches! We walked, me with only one shoe as the other the ocean had not returned. There were many moments I stopped and had a meltdown about my error of judgement, I could not find a positive word to say. I was frustrated beyond belief, oh so angry and probably overwhelmed with very mixed emotions. The hiking was hard going in the dark and cold with all of the gear from the kayak let alone just in one shoe, this just added to my pain and mood.
There was some laughter but it was just at the craziness of this situation, the Heaphy track has its challenges in the daylight, well just try it with a backpack and extra five to six bags of gear dangling off your packs, like life jackets, spray skirts, food, sleeping bags, gosh you name it, we had it. As any kayaker knows you seem to be able to cram a lot in the hulls so I had a large gear bag on my shoulder to also try and balance. The hike took us three hours, up and down around and thank goodness we had a Garmin watch to keep track of our distance as it helped us to keep going. It didn't help us feel much better, even when I got back to Cuzzie and we ate, I had another raving meltdown about the what if's and the maybes and if only! Luckily it is not a reality TV show as I would have been the most entertaining person to film for sure. It was after 1am when I eventually went to sleep, after meth threading the stone bruises on the bottom of my foot!
Today was some more hiking but with a new twist, we hiked back out to T2 today, that was the easy part of the day, just under two hours, brilliant. Apart from the fact it was a primo day and I should have been paddling! A couple of meltdowns over this as we hiked, then it was along the beach to find my other shoe, success, we located that. Then the true fun really began, to put T2 on her wheels and began portage along the Heaphy track. Picture this, a sunny Saturday of Queen's Birthday weekend. We are heading out along the track as the mountain bikers and people hiking are heading in to start their walk! This track you do not expect to see two people dragging a kayak along! Many comments and many near misses! This track was not made for my wheels, it shook loose a nut and bolt holding one strap on, so we had to be creative and tie it on so we could still use the wheels. We had T2 on our shoulders as we trekked across the beach sections, and to put some humour into my day we decided it was just a crazy training day, for maybe a new adventure in the future. The NZ godzone or some kind of multisport event for sure.
No it was not fun, no I would not recommend this, no it is not something I want to repeat, but it is now completed. We have cooked a nice dinner, got a fire going so we could roast marshmallows over it and now it is bed time, tomorrow is another primo day! I still need to get all of my stuff sorted and the weather window is going! I am frowning! I am not able to gap it tomorrow, I have rigging to sort and my gear to re organise, it seems the West Coast still has stuff to show me. I am tired yes , I have had some bad moments for sure, but, I think it is called patience, I just have to believe. What a great crazy story I do not want to repeat.
My smiles today:
Portaging T2, that was tough.
An amazing open fire.
The stars in the sky.
My insane grumps.
My tears, I have to smile.
My thoughts today:
I am tired of trying to hold things together that cannot be held. Trying to control what cannot be controlled. I am tired of denying myself what I want for fear of breaking things I cannot fix. They will break no matter what we do.
The stars in the sky tonight are totally unreal, glowing like "diamonds in the sky".
Good night from Red, Jase, T2, Louise and of course Cuzzie.